This has been a looooong lesson learned for me. That I know best. Those are big words right? It implies that we trust ourselves. That whatever decision we make will be perfect. That regardless of what everyone else says will work, if we feel so strongly that it's not for us, being brave enough to roll with that feeling, contrary to every body else.
The biggest part of why I have struggled with trusting myself for so long was because of a disconnection to myself. I could say it all begun with my parents divorce when I sat there very upset but telling myself "don't cry, don't cry, don't cry" for whatever reason I seemed to think was good enough at the young age of seven, but for all I know, it could have been even earlier. I was sad and felt to cry but made myself not. Incongruence at it's best. And from then on I taught myself how to master the art of hiding my feelings and disconnecting from my emotions.
This unfortunately also laid the path for what was to become a very strong dis-connect from myself. Eating disorders, depression, binge drinking... these all appeared and stuck around for a good few years because I was incredibly 'not-attached' to myself. I know this may sound ridunculously stupid, by being 'not-attached' to myself I simply mean that my thoughts and my body were never on the same page.
I felt hungry, but didn't eat. Or I was full but kept eating. I felt unhappy but tried to mask it. These still, to this day, cause me minor hiccups every now and then as I often look at the clock to see how long it has been since I last ate, as hunger and fullness signals get muddled up from years of ignoring them all.
But over the years I have gotten better at re-connecting with myself and allowing myself to feel everything I never used too; hunger, fullness, pain, saddness, happiness and more. And in the process of doing so I have begun to hear and feel the little nudges and whispers I get in direct relation to my health; my own journey, what is great for me and what is not, and everything that encompasses.
+ Like feeling that turkish bread will bloat me - but eating it anyway, and of course, getting bloated.
+ Being told my daily coffee enema would aggravate my colon more than help my liver (which needed support) - I stopped them and have felt nauseous most days since.
+ Wanting to join a female bootcamp to meet friends on arriving to Cairns last year, but knowing it was not the best as I was trying to heal adrenal fatigue - well I got worse, almost pulled out (didn't coz of stubborness and not enough self love though) and ended up putting on weight.
+ Knowing somewhere within me that nothing would heal my acne except learning to love and accept myself - not that this made it any easier; it's still a work in progress (having said that, plenty of things have made great improvements in my skin, but even through science-based studies, and knowing the physical and physiological reasons for acne and how to treat it, I simply know they are not my answers)
At the same time, it can be a bloody tough slog realising that we are our best teachers. Hopefully it's only initially and will get easier (I'm still new to this too remember). Sometimes we want to heal and correct something right now and so go about trying, ingesting, and changing everything we can. Even if we know deep down there's a lesson here and it won't go away instantly, we continue trying everything we can.
Think of the overweight woman who has tried every diet, every personal trainer at her gym, every supplement known to shred, every tea to help boost her metabolism, every tapping technique, hypnosis technique, portion sizes, even meal times. All the time having no luck, and in fact knowing that her issue has nothing to do with the food but everything to do with the whispers she is getting about the need to love herself just as she is (and then the weight will magically fall off - no joke).
Additionally, and I know this one too well, when we really want help with something but fail to find anyone who can really help us. As if that isn't a sure enough sign that you've gotta work it out for yourself! We either don't believe what we are feeling intuitively or are too scared to follow it. But I've heard and read time and time again about people who after years of seeking help, end up trusting their gut and healing themselves of cancer, autoimmune diseases, skin conditions, you name it, simply because they could never find someone who could help them with their condition.
Does your gut tell you that the best exercise right now is to do nothing, yet you're too attached to your routine that you don't listen, only to get an injury next week or go further downhill with fatigue?
It's not miraculously easy to just begin trusting your gut and knowing that you are your best healer - or we would all be doing it right? But we can at least practice day by day. Ask yourself "what would I like for lunch?" and see if you get anything back. Next time you're at the markets hold an apple in one hand and a banana in the other. Which one feels lighter (and no, I don't mean by weight)?
These little questions and experiences get us in touch with our body and it's innate wisdom so that when we are presented with bigger things, we will still feel, see, hear the sensations so we can trust our gut.
If you (think you) don't know why you're always bloated, sit with it, as I'm sure you'll get some sense of an idea (you might just not want to accept that you have to ditch your beloved dairy).
If you still have no clue why you've had eczema for 10 years, and no doctor has helped you, feel into this one. Something is sure to come up, if it hasn't already but you've chosen to ignore it.
As an almost-qualifed-Nutritionist, of course I can help you with many things as I have learnt so much through my studies and truckloads more through my own experiences. But only YOU will already know more about YOUR body than I ever will. So trust that girl. Sure an apple is super healthy... but if you feel sick eating it, and only you will feel this sickness, then stop eating it, no matter how many people tell you it's good for you.
Capishe?
Christie xx
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